Why I Prefer a Good Book to a Man

If I had a nickel for every time somebody told me "it's time to move on, get back in the game," I'd no longer be peddling my services, doing my own laundry, or even driving a modest car.

I am a divorcee. Nothing about the dissolution of my marriage was pleasant. I can't boast a "healthy, we are still friends" mentality because it would be a lie. I'm happy for people who can remain friends with their exes and still do amazing things for them. That's not in the cards for me. But, I'm not going into all of that, it's only a blip on the radar when it comes to this topic. It's merely the foundation for this post because it is the first time in my life that people are really pushing me to "find a man."

I've had more than my fair share of relationships since I started dating. None of them have ended with a happily ever after, even the one I really believed would. 

Since I was a little girl, books have been there to transport me far from all of my troubles. The years since my divorce have been no different. In fact, I've regrown my personal library and formed a healthy attachment with my local library system that I never had before.

See how excited I was to read to my Great Grandma?

But, don't you want somebody to talk to?

I have journals for that. I talk and talk and talk until I run out of pages and then, guess what, there is another shiny new journal ready to hear my deepest, darkest thoughts without judgment.

But, don't you want a REAL person to talk to, to bounce ideas off of? 

I have those people, they are trusted friends and family who have proven their loyalty and unconditional love. These few people tell me when I'm being an idiot and when I'm onto something spectacular. And, these magical people bring me books!

I loved to read when we went camping!

But, don't you want somebody to touch you? 

Listen, I get physical affection from the people mentioned above, sure, I miss some aspects but there are ways to achieve the same result without having to pretend I'm enjoying things I'm really not. Books can evoke the same level of excitement and all I have to stroke on them are the pages as I'm turning them. And, the best part is, I can basically be a harlot and have as many lovers as I like because I can't cheat on a book and they can't cheat on me. Isn't that lovely?

You just haven't met the right man, someday you will and all of this will be bullshit. 

I beg to differ. I've met a lot of men, LOTS, and at my age, the pickings are slim because many men are taken or not down with helping to raise another man's kids. I respect that. I'm also not down with adding more of anything to my life. 

Further, by insinuating that I have to have a man in my life to be complete people are saying that I am somehow incomplete. I don't feel that way anymore (though I did when I was married). I almost lost myself entirely trying to make something work that just didn't. Now, armed with a good book and a cup of coffee (or pint of beer or glass of wine, I'm not picky) I feel more complete and confident in my choice to spend a Friday night at home than I ever did before. 

My reading nook....isn't it pretty?

You sound anti-love and full of bitterness and hate - you need to see somebody about that.

Screw you. I am not bitter, I am not full of hate, and I am not anti-love. I am thrilled for all of my friends who are pairing up, moving in together, getting married, and everything else. I fully support their happiness and hope that they will in turn support my choices. 

And I have love. I have two kids who think I'm perfect (I'm not, believe me, I'm trying HARD to convince them of my imperfection before the image is shattered and they feel betrayed). My parents are supportive in every way imaginable. I have siblings and friends who I love dearly and love me in return. There is no room in my life for bitterness but I do hate some things, like close-minded people, ignorance, intolerance, cruelty, you know, that kind of stuff.

I guess what I'm saying is that I prefer a good book to a man because:

• A good book will never cheat on me, leave me (unless I lend it to somebody and then, like a boomerang, it comes back), or make me feel lesser. 
• A good book will entertain me, transport me to places I can't afford to travel to right now, teach me, inspire me, and encourage me.